Cos Tookie Asked...

The house deal.. is moving forward, but slowly. The 'Smiths,' whose house we are buying, have only just had the survey done on the home they intend to move to. If the survey shows there's no major work to be done or any reason to renegotiate the purchase price, we should soon have a closing date scheduled. *fingers crossed.. eyes too* Tenatively, we're looking at being in the new place by mid-October to Halloween.

What I find very strange is the fact that anyone can pull out of a deal anytime, up until the point where keys are exchanged, without any penalty. There's no earnest money deposited. You lose nothing. You can lead people on until nearly the very utmost end... and walk off, scott free. It's alarming but I'm trying not to think about it.

Instead, I'm thinking about my boy who's about to go awol again. He despises the marines, the drive to attain rank and the sheer facelessness of it all. He says no one cares.

Now I not only encouraged him to run off last time.. I even gave him an excuse. I may be taking too much credit here, but did offer an out that Lynne and I have seen work for others in the UK system.

When my son turned himself in and returned to the service, his father made it all sound reasonable. He has a chance at a career, he said. He's earning money, he said. He's only got 7 more years now, he said. And I felt guilty. (We'll have to talk more about mama-guilt later, it's been on my mind.) Like I'd immediately jumped to help fulfill darling son's wish without thinking about the consequences.

I've been arguing with myself ever since then, especially when he told me he'd be deployed to Iraq in November. I don't want him to go. I don't believe there's anything good to be gained by tossing away boys lives for this convoluted cause. No, I'm not the proud mother of a marine. I'm the proud mother of my son Jack, who I want to live, love and be happy.

Do I mollycoddle? Perhaps. MY KID, I get the right. I am either the only one who he can emotionally work to his advantage OR I am the only one to whom he tells what lurks inside. I don't care if it makes me a softy.. when he says things I can't help but react with my heart.

In the past, he did time in the brig for running off. He had some hospital time for the depression too. He's about to go through it all again, though with any luck, he can work the system to his advantage, keep hospital time to a minimum and completely avoid jail time, on his way out.

If that doesn't work, I predict he'll go awol again. Do loads more jail & hospital time than may be necessary... and get out eventually. I'm pissed off that the guy who decides he's MORE than cannon fodder (even at a later date) has to go through this shit to enforce his change of mind.

I want him out. When he asks my opinion, I encourage him. I don't necessarily want to be thought a bad Mom.. but I don't believe we should be in Iraq and will encourage my son to run as far as fast as he can from the disaster it's become.

I sincerely wish I could have talked him out of this in the first place.

ANNND... I'm really glad I haven't directed any of my family to read here. I don't have to pretend to be unafraid.