Sunday, April 09, 2006

Ungodly Late

I should be in bed. Words to strike fear in any heart... cos it means a rambly post, where I try to dump the contents of my head. Oh, I did try the smoke-on-the-porch method of toning down the voices, to no avail.

btw.. the moon looks pretty, dashing through fat, scuttling clouds. The orange light of the city and the docks reflect back from the thicker cloud bellies but the moon glows silver along their margins. Annnnnd... my bleeding-heart plant is growing like a mofo!

Phoned Mom & Dad yesterday (the day before?). Mom & I were talking about my job applications and then onto my sis' job hunt. We spoke a bit about temporary contracts. I sort of feel like they are anathema to most workers. We want habit and a paycheck we can count on. Temporary contracts / contract labor seems to be all about employers having the ability to shed workers easily. Sure, I know they benefit specially skilled people, but an awful lot of us don't fall into that category. Temporary contracts are nothing but insecurity for some people...

and I was trying to convey these ideas to Mom. Her opinion? It's all happens because the younger generation jumps from job to job so often. They have no sense of committment. WHA? There are so many things I don't understand about my Mom. If she had been able to further explain this theory, what would I have come away with? Is she generationally-biased? Was it just a glib, throw out any answer because truthfully, she hadn't thought about it at all? Will I understand the point she was trying to make at some later date, and then feel guilty for judging her?

We love eachother, but really have a hard time connecting. LOL.. it's probably just me, I ALWAYS want more and tend to find her distracted. Illustration; Mom only emails me forwarded stuff. Jokes, click-for-Jesus and send this to five friends stuff. I joked with her that our emails, as a method of communication, leave a lot to be desired. She was truly stunned, said she thought we were doing great. HUH? If I didn't phone, I'd NEVER know what was going on with them! Do you suppose she doesn't realize we only talk about every two months, at best?

That hard time connecting has been with us forever. It's almost like we're afraid of talking, fearful of coming away having been hurt or misunderstood. That happens, A LOT. It keeps me from reaching out to her sometimes, or forces me to stay light in my conversation topics. I don't like having to do that. It fosters my sense of rootlessness and anonymity.

Thing is, I know she loves me. Take, for instance that day she sat at my kitchen table and finally asked me to tell her about Lynne. Mom stretched everything she is to accomodate her love for me.

I love her too, ringie as she is.

Listen, don't feel obligated to comment. I'm bound to bore you with more of this at some future date~ this is just filing the shit so I can sleep. *kisses*


~ nellenelle said...

No sense of commitment? Um, you've made one major commitment, no small one.

We tend to assume society is rigid, not dynamic and changing. And we tend to expect the things that worked for us work for the next round. At one time people looked for work going from business to business. Some people still think in those terms, an approach totally at odds with reality.

So there is that between mom and you, as there was between my mom and me when going through it. It can leave one feeling not up to par, devalued. And they still feel a need not only to love, but to try and guide.

We, out here, know better, and believe in you... but my words will not comfort. The self doubt never leaves until proof lands on our door.


Francesca said...

Well, i think it was a very good "shit filler", thank-you very much...and so I am commenting! lol ;)

Sorry you had trouble sleeping and hope you were able to catch up on your rest.

On the temporary work bit, while I understand the whole thing about not having the stability in pay or the job security, I tend to think you can pick up some excellent and highly marketable skills from the temp work. You get exposed to the many different ways that offices or establishments operate and you can apply some of the ideas and procedures to your next place and gain the attention of your new employer who will not likely want to lose out on your skills and experience.

Eh...just my two cents....and hoping it's worth more than the two!

On the connection thing with your mother, I have been noticing lately that there are so many people or relationships like this, in general...things tend to be very surface and light....I find it hard to believe that people actually like it that way...especially since I'm like you and I need a bit more from my interactions...

Anyway, at least you know your mom loves you and in the end that's what is imporant.

Hope you had a great day!

NursePam said...

Hey Kimster!

NursePam's Life Philosophy #468:
May your mom live until you are in your 40's and may you live until your daughter is in her 40's.

As far as your mom's input on "younger workers"? She has heard or read some interesting articles that stuck in her head because they already fit her own personal world view. The truth is that younger folks are less attached to jobs for a whole lot of reasons, some having to do with youth but a lot more having to do with how we have shaped our educational, social, and economic agendas.

It's hard to have this sort of discussion with a parent who is much more likely to end up sounding critical simply because he/she is your parent. She is also lumping you in a particular category without pointing out that while you may fall into the group, you are not necessarily like the group; ie, potential employers may be judging you based on your age mates as a whole.

Hope you got some sleep. Hugs!

Elle said...

I think your mum probably has a point, but what she may not realise is that we move from job to job because we CAN. Because employers don't have the power of life and death over us anymore (metaphorically speaking). Because we as women can now choose to work and choose our careers, and therefore are not satisfied with assembling Lego kits for 30 years to feed the children.

We do live in a disposable society. But at least some of the rubbish is getting disposed of as well :o)

~ nellenelle said...

We've not heard from you in a while, and just wished to send along good thoughts and lots of hugs...

Kim said...

I knew was missing the balance. You're right, Francesca, that temporary work helps us gain new skills and experiences. There ARE many positives.

From this angle, a few weeks removed, I can see that my response to Mom was my typical knee-jerk reaction to anything that feels critical from her. You are right, Pammie ;)

I can also acknowledge that she has been frustrated at having my sis and her teenaged daughter living with them in their too-small house.

Perhaps her statement is more about some of sis' work ethics rather than ALL young people, as I took it.

Thanks for being gentle with me, friends... yet still giving me the truth. *hugs*