I should be in bed. Words to strike fear in any heart... cos it means a rambly post, where I try to dump the contents of my head. Oh, I did try the smoke-on-the-porch method of toning down the voices, to no avail.
btw.. the moon looks pretty, dashing through fat, scuttling clouds. The orange light of the city and the docks reflect back from the thicker cloud bellies but the moon glows silver along their margins. Annnnnd... my bleeding-heart plant is growing like a mofo!
Phoned Mom & Dad yesterday (the day before?). Mom & I were talking about my job applications and then onto my sis' job hunt. We spoke a bit about temporary contracts. I sort of feel like they are anathema to most workers. We want habit and a paycheck we can count on. Temporary contracts / contract labor seems to be all about employers having the ability to shed workers easily. Sure, I know they benefit specially skilled people, but an awful lot of us don't fall into that category. Temporary contracts are nothing but insecurity for some people...
and I was trying to convey these ideas to Mom. Her opinion? It's all happens because the younger generation jumps from job to job so often. They have no sense of committment. WHA? There are so many things I don't understand about my Mom. If she had been able to further explain this theory, what would I have come away with? Is she generationally-biased? Was it just a glib, throw out any answer because truthfully, she hadn't thought about it at all? Will I understand the point she was trying to make at some later date, and then feel guilty for judging her?
We love eachother, but really have a hard time connecting. LOL.. it's probably just me, I ALWAYS want more and tend to find her distracted. Illustration; Mom only emails me forwarded stuff. Jokes, click-for-Jesus and send this to five friends stuff. I joked with her that our emails, as a method of communication, leave a lot to be desired. She was truly stunned, said she thought we were doing great. HUH? If I didn't phone, I'd NEVER know what was going on with them! Do you suppose she doesn't realize we only talk about every two months, at best?
That hard time connecting has been with us forever. It's almost like we're afraid of talking, fearful of coming away having been hurt or misunderstood. That happens, A LOT. It keeps me from reaching out to her sometimes, or forces me to stay light in my conversation topics. I don't like having to do that. It fosters my sense of rootlessness and anonymity.
Thing is, I know she loves me. Take, for instance that day she sat at my kitchen table and finally asked me to tell her about Lynne. Mom stretched everything she is to accomodate her love for me.
I love her too, ringie as she is.
Listen, don't feel obligated to comment. I'm bound to bore you with more of this at some future date~ this is just filing the shit so I can sleep. *kisses*