Off-the-Cuff Stuff

You're not going to be reading anything here today that's been carefully thought out. The booger in my head passing for a brain is, apparently, on the fritz. All ready to head to work today at ten, I recheck my schedule to discover I'm not due there till one o'clock. You have permission to laugh at me...

We went to a birthday party on Saturday night. I'd like to be all positive about it, but really it was excruciating. I should know by now that any function involving herds of Lynne's school teacher friends will be a disappointment. The dumb thing is, I always have such high hopes, and am excited at the prospect of a good time!

The conversations are overwhelmingly about school. I follow best I can and make an effort to be interested/ interesting; but I must really suck at this. Usually, I can gravitate to N & R and hang out with them, giving Lynne freedom to schmooze without having to worry about me entertaining myself. But I don't want to be anywhere near N & R lately.

R has taken a serious dislike to a colleague. She slams her every chance she gets and looks for others to join in her meanness. This colleague has only just learned her contract isn't being renewed and I feel just awful for her. She's also aware of the cliques at work and not fitting in. Yes, she's an oddball, but she's also very young! But N & R don't care about any of that, they just laugh and try to draw others into their poison.

When Lynne would pop over to say hi to others, I just went outside for a smoke. If I was going to be the girl standing off alone, I wasn't going to be doing it in sight of others!! Anyway, we talked about it when we got home. I'm embarrassed to tell you, out of nowhere, I began to cry... But I've decided that I'm not going to attend any more of the bigger functions. I come away from them feeling just too terribly alone here.

We also talked about this colleague who's getting constantly hacked upon. I know I felt a huge sense of identification with her, in her alone-ness. Lynne has said she will try to speak to her head of dept about the matter. Even though the girl is leaving at the end of July, it's still a long time to have to take flak. If not harrassment, the behavior is certainly bullying. No matter what she's done, there's no reason this girl should be the whipping dog. I hope Lynne's able to make a difference for this girl's sake.