Friday, May 19, 2006

Techincally I CAN Blame This on Pre-Period Blues

Oh, there are things I should be doing. Gardening stuff, like checking the warranty on the lawnmower and getting an estimate for the diagnosis/treatment of a cherry tree pest. I suppose if I really thought about it, there are other things on that particular list.

But I can't turn my mind away from the fact that my son is leaving for boot camp on Sunday. Besides all the issues I have with our gov't and Iraq, I want to be home in the valley right now.

I want to see him off, to celebrate this huge step to adulthood that he's taking. He's completely leaving home now, off to follow a star of his very own.

I want to see my daughter, celebrate with her, to be scared and miss him together. They are the very best children in the world, these two. OMG, yes, they do drive me nuts.. as kids do, with their focus on self and their 'infallable wisdom'. But they are still the greatest.

They love eachother and support eachother with SUCH a strength. They 'played together' well, noticably so much longer than their peers. During the overlap years, when they were both in highschool together, they'd bicker at home.. but back eachother ferociously to the rest of the world.

I used to tell them that friends can come and go.. but a brother and a sister are there for life. Circumstances torqued that up a bit ; mom coming out and their (mostly) unswerving support... health scares they each experienced. I'm amazed at how much they involve themselves in eachother's lives.

( and shouldn't have been so surprised that when my son moved out due to disputes over a car and the rules ... that my daughter went with him! )

But I want to be there. Their Dad is having a bbq tomorrow for him, with all his friends and family invited. I would gladly suffer the eye and strained company of everyone I once knew... just to see my son off properly, to hold my daughter's hand and to hug them both for ages.

Some of this emotion, I try to tell myself, MUST be common to Empty Nest Syndrome. For ages, they were the focus of my life. LOL, my playmates. Maybe I was overly attached to them, funnelling my emotion to them after their Dad began his emotional retreat. I can't say for sure.

I know this. It's hard to be far from them.

7 comments:

Francesca said...

Sending best wishes for your son and his safety. Good for him to be charting his own course. Sounds like an important time for him.

And, you, my dear, sound like a lovely mother. Clearly, a deep love and bond shared with your kids. That is really special.

Hugs!

Sandra said...

I'm sorry you are struggling, I know it must be hard for you to not be able to be there. He knows you are there in spirit and that you love him and worry, and wish him well. I bet your daughter is going to be lost without him, she may need some extra phone calls to cheer her up. You can comfort eachother.

~ nellenelle said...

Second post in a row this morning right from the heart...

*hugs*

Sending lots of good thoughts his way and your way as he takes this big step in life. Following one's own path is such a vital element, we all know that.

You are there with him Kim... always.

NursePam said...

((((((((((Kim))))))))))

The Editor said...

Hi, I'm not a mom, so I'll not dare pretend that I understand what you are going through. But, I did want to give you a friendship hug (((Nony))). You have dear children indeed.

loubie said...

Just cos I loves ya ~~~~~

ABCs of me

Accent: A very de(t/l)ectable Liverpudlian (or Scouse) accent. Makes it a bit of a challenge for some Americans to understand me at first. But, it's mostly because the intonations are so different methinks. (And BTW, Nony DOES have an accent...as do all of us ;))

Booze: love a cold beer when I'm thirsty and want to guzzle something down; a glass of red wine for the quintessential unwind; or a nice brandy...on the rocks before bed.

Chore I Hate: Changing the kitty litter! PONG! Good job that's Nony's chore, huh?!! ;)

Dog or Cat: Not sure. I love our lil black furball, Rizzo - but reckon I could dote on the right kind of dog. No doubt I'll find out when we finally have our own back yard.

Essential Electronics: the computer and the means to play my music.

Favorite Cologne: Toss up between Tommy Hilfiger and JPGautier, Le Male.

Gold or Silver: Silver

Hometown: Liverpool, England

Insomnia: Yes - I do sometimes have literally sleepless nights. But thankfully they are rare. More often it's the waking up on and off all night that gets me.

Job Title: English teacher

Kids: None of my own. But, I now consider Nony's scallywags as part of me, even though they aren't here with us. If ever they needed me, or there was anything I could do for them, I'd be RIGHT there.

Living Arrangements: Two bedroom flat, ground floor

Most Admirable Traits: I'm considerate, very aware of the feelings of others around me. Makes me sensitive in the right way I think.

Number of Sexual Partners: Nony is my fourth - and last ;)

Overnight Hospital Stays: one as a kid for dehydration; as an adult I think it's four times - mostly for Endometriosis related stuff.

Phobias: SPIDERS! Without a shadow of a doubt! :P

Quote: Our lives improve only when we take chances - and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves. (Walter Anderson)

Siblings: Flip, where do I start?!!! I have six sisters, two brothers, three half sisters, and a couple of step-siblings.

Time I Wake Up: Between 6-6.30am for school. At the weekends (minus alarm clock) it varies. Most often between 9 and 10.

Unusual Talent or Skill: used to be a mean soccer player in my day. Nowadays? Probably the ability to handle the rogue kids at school that nobody else can get through to.

Vegetable I Love: Carrots

Worst Habit: Picking up after Nony (sorry baby *pout*)

X-Rays: Chest - as a kid when I was being checked out for a heart murmur.

Yummy Foods I Make: chicken and veggie stirfry, traditional British roast dinner, mashed potato.

Zodiac Sign: Cancer

Donna said...

Awwwww ((( Kim)))) I had not been coming by to read for some time.. I just found your place again tonight in a spot I had stored it.. I am so sorry you had to miss being there.. I totally understand your deep feelings on it..I will whisper prayers for him.. Wow I didn't realize he was that age already!. Time goes by so fast it seems.. Faster when we are away..I know my Son's are getting up there now and I just wish I could turn back time a while and feel them cuddled in my arms..
(((((Hugs Hon))))