Sometimes I see reminders on friends blogs, admonitions not to tell too much of a personal nature. They're great points, after all this is no private medium. So I try to be a little vague...
But I'm all in a turmoil over this. My son got married last week and I'm supposed to keep it a secret. He's back on base now and she's continuing to live with her family, with the expectation that she move to be with him in the near future.
They've had a rocky relationship over the past few years. I sort of wondered if the distance would untie the relationship, but realized over the summer that the opposite was happening. I didn't see this coming though.
They took along his little sister. There may have been other friends at the ceremony, I'm not sure. While I completely understand the 'what the fuck, let's get married' impulse ... having done it myself, I'm also no poster child for the outcome.
Then there's the secrecy thing. He says her parents would throw her out if they knew. While I'm almost certain there must be better options, I also realize they're adults and get to make that call themselves. It's not my place to fix things or even suggest they need fixing.
But I know how hurt his Dad will be.
All I could do was be surprised and congratulatory. Lynne overheard me on the phone and wondered if I'd lost my mind. But I got no other options here, folks. After the phone call, I freaked out all over her and she understood.
So I'm in a state of near-permanent shock, hoping for the best.
I'm not really trailer trash, am I? We all have fucked up families, right? I'm beginning to wonder if it isn't really the natural order of life itself..
3 comments:
What a difficult situation. Without meaning to sound trite, the army does weird things to people, especially when they're separated for great long periods of time. It introduces just the element of fear and desperation that brings on instant marriages - one of my sisters did it, so, in fact, did my parents.
Unfortunately it seems to me that one of the worst aspects of parenting (and I speak purely as an observer; I have no children) is that you have to watch them do what they will without doing anything about it - sometimes not even giving voice to what you feel inside.
I suppose part of letting go is letting them make their own decisions, and part of growing up is sometimes deciding the wrong thing.
I hope it works out for you and your son. Just keep loving him and standing by.
Thank you ladies! I really appreciate your understanding and kind words. Over the last few days, I've managed to adjust to the news and even managed to be excited for them and this new beginning of theirs.
I imagine that sorta kinda knocked you on your arse, it would have me, and my daughter has been living with the guy for 3 years!
There really isn't anything else you could have done, Kim, and in the end I'd have been right where you are, shocked, coming to terms, helpless.
*hugs*
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