Life has seemed so up and down lately. I mean, my lover is wonderful, the new house is fabulous and I'm not sure I have any right to complain. But you know I'm going to. Not so much for any sort of sympathy or pep-talking, but to more to say.. HAY, no matter how much I fake it, there are rough spots! YOU are not alone. Dig deep enough and trouble has touched us all.
I should say first though that the bank has reimbursed me the money stolen from my account. There's a chance they could try to chase the culprits as I did send in the first invoice which had calls on it! (An invoice I don't have to pay) But I wonder if the bank will do that. It's 'only' £100 and I suppose they probably have bigger thieves to chase.
In a few months I'll pay for a credit check to be certain no one has filed for credit with my details or otherwise fucked me up. It's hard to wait that long, but the fraud guy said it would be a waste of my fee to try it right away.
A few days ago it was my son's 21st birthday. He's still stuck in limbo, in the marines but on track for a discharge.. waiting, bored and frustrated. I called to wish him happy bday and woke him. Ummm.. I knew bad things would come and I was so right.
Things had happened in the few days since I'd spoken to him last. He got upset telling me about it. Then he told me he misses me. I was getting ready for work and already missing him like mad, and I knew this convo would make me cry if it went on. So I tried to jolly him out of it. You'll be fine, it's okay like this, I'm only a call away etc... I said.
He was in a bad way and I regret not taking the time to talk to him. He let me go and I thought he'd feel better in the morning. But a few minutes later by text, he told me to go read his blog. I couldn't get to it till later when I found he'd said some terribly hurtful things. In a public place. Where people who know us both can read.
I seriously wanted to flame my own son. I wanted to lash out at him and point a few choice arguments. I wanted to headbutt the rebuttals into him.. I was so hurt.
But my son was hurting. And missing me, like I miss him AND his sister. So I cranked it in, admitted I had tried to blow it off a bit because of my time constraints and apologized.
He hasn't spoken to me since then. His phone is off to me and he's ignoring my texts. Eventually he'll come around, I keep telling myself.. and till then I won't get angry with him or be sarcastic... but just keep telling him I'm still here.
I miss my kids.