I was standing in the spare bedroom this afternoon, admiring the warm colors of the sunlight streaming in through the window. It's a lovely room and makes me feel happy.
My parents stayed in that room when they visited. I wondered if they'd felt any similar vibes. If they'd noticed the light, or the family pictures scattered about. The honest sense of contentment and pleasure...
They saw that in me though. Mom said she'd noticed how happy I was. My sister said I 'felt like the old K she remembered.' It's hard to articulate, especially when I know they're still struggling with the sex thing, but being with her is so much MORE than the sex thing.
It's the feeling in that room that envelops me, everywhere, all the time now. It's finding someone thoughtful, someone who celebrates your accomplishments and boosts you when you need it. She shares the housework with me and LIKES to manage the money. She's GOOD at it. She understands being bored and needing to go out but also values relaxing, cocooning.
Loving her is not being afraid of her. I used to agonize sometimes to find my ex husband's car in the drive ahead of me, or hearing his boots on the front porch. The moods he could come home in, or whip up without notice.. were awful. So often, I found myself with my insides clenched in uneasy anticipation. In all fairness, he wasn't some horrible ogre, and he certainly didn't start out scaring me. For years though, staying up late after he'd gone to bed was when I relaxed.
Lou spoils me rotten. She thinks I'm funny. She cares how my day has gone. She makes me feel proud of the bits I cook up in the kitchen and lets me make my messes knowing I'm a tidy thing at heart.
It's even easy to have a growly day with her. You know when you just find yourself fussy? OMG, I NEVER wanted that to show with my ex husband. It would set him off. That included showing any frustration with the kids. If you wanted him to roar and make everyone uneasy for hours, let him know the kids had been naughty!
With Lou, she just 'reads' me. Straightaway. She understands and we give eachother space, let it just work itself out. She doesn't feel responsible, or defensive or dismissive.
She's such a pleasure to be with.
I suppose there MUST be men out there who make their wives feel like this, right? I want to believe it's possible. But for me, I've found the right place. As for the sex, it's the whipped cream, the sprinkles AND the cherry on top.
MMM.. smells like dinner is done.