Wednesday, February 08, 2012

A Year Later

You shut me down. Sent your big email, your mother sent hers. Said you didn't want any contact, that knowing us only brought you pain.

You wrote (paraphrasing) that the pain we've caused you came in the form of not enough loving contact from us. That was the first I'd heard of this. Making a very sharp point here: How could I have known? Your contact with me was next-to-nothing.

You also said you knew I would side with the kids. Was your idea of sides to engage in fb drama? Doing my best to avoid that very thing, you will find I actually counselled to 'leave room for forgiveness'. Apparently it is somehow easier for you and your mother to slate me for something I didn't say rather than give credit for what I did...

Listen, I have always wanted to know you. (Absurdly gross understatement there.) I felt it should be on your terms though, as I could never let myself risk upsetting your life for my needs. Then you called, you came to visit. It was fantastic to finally have the chance.

I didn't push, but always thought we'd grow into a relationship, someday figure out who were were to eachother, for eachother. It hadn't happened and now perhaps never will.

Can't really tell you how very sorry that makes me. I hope you change your mind someday.

Really truly
with love



nelle said...

Oh my.

My heart feels like it's expanding across an ocean, reaching, enveloping.

With FB, I'd not thought to check your blog. I hope mine is not an intrusion.

Nony said...

You're not an intrusion hon. It's just my way of shouting into the wind. Releasing it, you know?