Ahhh, the dithering...

Okay, working outside, creating a gardening company ISN'T the best choice for me. Jason and I are keeping the contract for our garden. The extra income is welcome and I DO enjoy working outside. But, the 'buts' have emerged...

Jason and I both need regular schedules, ones that work with our partners, bringing reliable incomes along with proper time off. We spoke about this last week, along with the headaches in dealing with the residents. (Everyone will complain about others, yet never look to correct themselves *ugh*) Anyway, I feel like we're on the same page.

Lou and I finished my application for for the change in my visa status and mailed it off Friday. They will allow me to stay as her permanent partner. We had to provide proof of two years living together in a relationship akin to marriage. This thing includes banks statements, wage slips, my divorce decree, pictures to support our life together, cards and testimonials of our relationship... and our passports. The folder is about four inches wide.

My nerves are twanging on so many levels !! Let's not even go into the 'fear of identity fraud' issues... EVERYTHING is in that folder. Ugh..

And not having my passport within arm's reach REALLY upsets my calm. Naturally we have made copies.. but still. I know if there were an emergency I could have it released quite quickly, so they say. But your application is sent back too. We'd have to resubmit and again pay the exorbitant sum in filing fees. So I was speaking with my daughter and warned her. No emergency trips over there unless someone's REALLY sick. Otherwise, if they need me, they're coming to me.. right? And we giggled over how nervous we each felt about all this.

I keep telling myself that there's no way I'll be refused. The UK has this provision (bless their social souls) for people exactly such as ourselves. We DO meet the requirements because we HAVE been living as married. They have pictures of our happy little life, our trips, our families... *LOL* and little black cat Rizzo. Could we BE any more normal?

Additionally, in December, the UK allows civil unions. So we're telling ourselves this will only be a rubber-stamp exercise. And praying we're right. My student visa expires on Halloween. ( jezeus, can you believe THAT date? anyway..) Until that time, I'm still allowed to work, but not 'professionally'. I'm not really sure what that entails. I won't sing or dance for money if that's what they mean...

But it's also getting in the way of my job-seeking. I can't tick that 'yes, I have permission to stay' box on an application. There's a feeling I can't escape.. I SO hate looking for jobs, it's demoralizing and I feel like I'm just begging for a chance to show others that I DO have a brain... and not being able to tick that box in the visa question makes me feel doomed before I even begin. I'm sure if it wasn't that, it'd be something else, such is my attitude on job seeking ...

But I know I just have to pony up. Stick yer tits out woman, make a knockout application so I can at least get an interview, get in and persuade people that I'm bright, I can be valuable to them. The low-budget grocery store I work for has become to tedious for words. It was a great gap filler while I went to college... but right now I have to really gear myself up to get in the right mental place to take the public in my face for eight or nine hours. There are always bright spots, but *ugh* I'm whining... Anyone who's ever worked a low-paying job knows what I mean...

I'm listening to Fleetwood Mac's 'Gypsy'...
and I need to go make a phone call. See if the university has short listed a job I applied for.