Tuesday, October 04, 2005

Beyond the Dumping Grounds

It is not that I wish to step consciously into my harder emotional territories … or to wallow in them. In fact, I rarely, if ever share them at all beyond Lynne. But like everyone else, my experiences have shaped the attitudes with which I approach the world. These territories and how I negotiate them are intrinsically tied to my personality.

I picture myself as a sunflower. The earth and the ‘dirt’ which both tie and sustain my roots need acknowledgement and even respect. It is a very important part in the definition of ‘me’. But I am also strong. I will reach as high as I can in following my own true path. As always, my face is towards the sun. I want the same for my children.

I am a great believer in personal strength, of responsibility. Not that I always measure up… but I aspire to. With true friends, I offer myself with depth and honesty… which can include sharing those harder places. *hugs to nelle*

I am sunshiney, I am happy, I am ditzy. I read a lot. I love spy novels, Clancy, Ludlum, et al. I will sing in front of co-workers to make them smile… make goofy faces. The dirt in the house comes from my shoes as I’m always out in someone’s garden. All the neighbours talk to me. I love logic puzzles and the west side of Glacier National Park. I sew and use tiny Christmas lights as decorations in the house. (Though we also have pumpkin lights twisted around bat garland over our front door right now *wink*) I love my woman, she’s bright, funny and gorgeous and inspiring… not to mention ever-so patient.

Life IS good.

1 comment:

nellenelle said...

Thank you for the hugs, and consider them returned!

Another excellent post, and it's so *hard* to avoid writing a long response. I'm feeling a might guilty and a bit too windbagish for the last round, but geesh, I have thoughts on these things as well.

>stuffs a sock in mah mouth mmmmm mmmmm mmm mmm<

ruh roh, ah chewed right through it... >adds "muzzle" to shopping list<

I wrote about something along these lines the other day. No matter the issues thrown in front of me, or more likely, thrown in front of me *by me*... I still smiel, still get up and look forward to things like work, still can be quite bratty. I've made lots of mistakes along the way, however they came to be... but there is still life to live, still things to learn. I will never give up working to be a better person, to incorporate the lessons of the past and try to do better going forward.

I say this often, but... does one wish to go through life smieling or frowning? I can't live in frowning mode, it's not my nature. I've learned to take issues out and talk on them, something I never did in my life until 6-7 years ago, but do now if need be... I regret the events of the past, very much so... and carry a lot of guilt with me, but that does not stop me from moving on.

You are so right, this ultimately is all of us, dirt and all, and it all served to produce the person we are today. So long as we keep growing, we are ok and will be ok. My weaknesses are also my greatest strengths, as discussed with my therapist countless times: optimism and idealism.

Keep up the great writings, Kim, this has come to be the first place I read.