Not Up

So the interview was on Thursday. I spent all weekend, till Monday, telling myself that I'd done really well, that I'd got the job. That evening one of the relatives who works there told me they'd made an announcement about who'd been hired.

Misery, thy name is mine own.

I didn't get the job. They took the two internals looking for promotion and the man who has some court experience. The choice of the man has me quite peeved. He doesn't drive and one of the requirements for the position is that you be able to drive to the different courts to present evidence. To fulfill that requirement, he'll have to be chaufeurred by others. Otherwise, he'll be in the office constantly, pounding out case summaries, racking up the numbers that'll make himself look good, while the others holding the same position will have to do extra court presentations to make up for him. Their numbers will fall while his look good. I also know that while I was told there's a 6 month probationary period, he is allowed a year to get his drivers license. Sounds like a probationary period to me, and an unfair one for the difference being allowed.

Back at work, things are proceeding towards our massive redundancy that the Chancellors' budget changes have forced. There is better news on that front, though it took several more days to work it out. They decided we needed only three in our contracts dept. Last one in = first out, meaning me. However, there's a woman in our dept who is on maternity leave. When she was informed what was happening, she asked for redundancy to stay home with her baby. It's not all finalized yet, but I should get to keep my job.

Thing is, I don't have much faith in the survival of our company. So I'm continuing to do that thing I loathe most.. apply for jobs. Har de har har.

And finally, I saw a friend again online for the first time in ages. Course, she never considered me a friend so I'm left to pretend I don't recognize the new nickname. It's weird because although I tried to be supportive in her sense of isolation, it was like I spoke the wrong language. She took offense when none was ever intended.

What is it about rejection, even the simplest of kinds... I want to refute the rejection somehow. Perhaps it's just me insisting that I do have value.