Saturday, August 02, 2008

Coin Toss

It's officially been too long when it takes three tries to log in properly.. but nevermind.

I'm going to flip a coin to decide what to write about. Mmmm, sorry but the heavy shit wins.

At the end of May, my 16 yr old niece was killed by a drunk driver. He lost control of his vehicle and she died right there on the sidewalk where he'd hit her.

Then one of Lou's younger sisters went back into the hospital with pneumonia for the second time in a month. She had everyone terribly worried. The doc said if she hadn't been so young, she'd probably have died from this. She's home from the hospital now, doing better but still not released for work yet.

Then there's my daughter. Born with just one kidney, she's had another infection. Her specialist did a test to gauge the percentage of it's functionality. Five years ago she was at 45%. This time, he said 19%... Donor list eligibility starts at 20% he said.

Now, she's taken antibiotics and when that didn't kill the beasties, was given even stronger ones. Restested, she's at 23% functionality now. So now we wait. For what? Further deterioration? I guess so, she's not being given any other options...

I hate this. I can talk about it rationally with her, with Lou. But when it's quiet and I'm all alone, I can't let my mind go there. I'm scared.

I never used to worry that she'd be taken from us. She's too healthy, too busy, too sweet, too savvy... I'd rationalize. I ALWAYS felt she would be okay!

But this confluence of events has severely shaken my confidence. My niece is actually gone. We thought Lou's sis wouldn't make it.. and now my fear for my daughter is real.


Ginny said...


nellenelle said...


In all honesty, we're parents, we worry. It is a positive it is increasing in functionality. It is a positive that there are other means of dealing with this available. Have you looked into being a donor? At least knowing if you are compatible would give you some peace of mind.

My therapist has donated a kidney. Max itches to do this, and it looks like her mum will need one. Her sisters are all lining up as well.

We can't chase away such worry, you with this, me with a diabetic daughter. In a way it is ironic that the worry is a subtle measure of the love we hold for our children...

another *hug* to you... if you ever feel a need to chat and blow off worry, feel free.