Light and Dark

At my new job, the company doesn't have anyone designated as trainers for my role. There's one lady at the Manchester branch who has trained a crew of temps for the last six months and we are being sent up there to learn from them.

We alternate a training days with days in court. I'm diggin on the training cos I want to feel productive, to start getting a handle on my duties. Court is fascinating and will be useful since eventually, I'll be sent there to prosecute warrants. THAT is *hopefully* a good long way off yet.

I have to say, it's exhausting so far. Run, run, run everyday. Maybe get time for lunch. If not, you can hear my stomach rumble in the quiet of court! *blush*

Today, I got sent to shadow our officer at a court about an hours' drive from branch. My manager gave me a GPS, programmed the post code and sent me on my way. Luckily, I had also printed out a few maps at home, because I don't know and have never been showed how to WORK the GPS annnnnd naturally, it fucked up.

NO, I didn't touch it!

I ended up on the promenade of the wrong town. LOL.. but I picked the sweetest little shop to ask where I was. It was a toy store, tiny and charming, full to bursting with bright colors and the most amazing happy feeling! The guy was so nice, pinpointed me on my maps and showed me how to get to the correct town. It took about two hours to make the one hour trip, but I swear, the toy store guy and his beautiful shop were worth it.

The prosecuting officer who I shadowed offered to set the GPS home for me. No thanks, I know where I am now and I plan on keeping it that way. With my maps, I found my own way home.

On another front, we've had more bad news. Lou's sister has been diagnosed with some kind of cancer of the lung. She had pleursy, then bronchitis, then pneumonia, and then funny spots showed up on the X-ray. As you can imagine, we've all been shocked to the core. Any coping at this point could be more accurately labelled as 'staggering around in disbelief'. She's only 20.

I'm going to make a confession to you now.. superstitious shit from my reptilian brain. Has to be from there because I'm not a superstitious person...definitely mental though.

When I found out my niece had been killed, my brain presented me with that specter of airplane crashes happening in threes. You know that one right? Well, somehow my mind morphed that into three bad things will happen all together now. Number two was finding out my daughter's functionality rate had dropped to scary fuck-off levels. Then came this unbelieveable cancer.

I can't even think, much less talk about any ONE of them without feeling the weight in my heart of ALL three together. It hurts like hell.

An indignant, unrepentant, blasphemous bitch, I shake my fist at god and ask him what the hell he's doing to our young women. To MY family.