Wednesday, February 18, 2009


Some things from the deep dark recesses..

My first two children look like their paternal grandmother and paternal grandfather. My third looks like me. I wonder, does she also look like the man I never knew, my birth father?

At age 30 I tried to find that man. At 40 I decided not to try again. Reuniting isn't ever what you expect it to be. I'm not suffering or anything in not knowing..

But I dreamt about him a few nights ago. That was a first. In my dream, he came to my door and identified himself. I told him I wasn't interested. He produced two, very thick stacks of papers and said something indicating they contained letters to me and thoughts about me. I still sent him away. I'm a cold bitch in my dreams ;)

And along another line.

Lou has had a student confess an attraction to her. Seems pretty natural to me. Lou's successful and certain of herself. She's out and not worried about it. Plus she's smart and sexy as hell. Who wouldn't want my woman? Lou laughs, calls me AND the other one crazy. (In truth, the other one MAY very well be Crazy.. note the capital C)

I'm thinking I want a new car. It's Lou's fault, she started it first. But I know if I'd just take my own damned car and wash it and clean it out, I'd be in love with it all over again. How lazy does that make me? I should even consider getting rid of a paid for car.. only 6 yrs old with low mileage.. rather than clean it? I'll wash it eventually, rather than trade it in. I wouldn't really like to have to make payments, in truth.

I AM that lazy though ;)

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Not lazy when comes to things that really matter, my love ;)